UK celeb mags Hello! and OK! have teamed up against Liz Hurley by refusing to get into a bidding war over the rights to an interview and pictures of the "actress" with her new baby boy. Hurley was expecting a million dollar deal but the magazines decided to share the pics and offered the gold-digger a paltry $280,000 between them. The offer was, rather surprisingly, turned down.

Thieves have stolen thousands of pounds worth of gardening equipment from Michael Caine’s back garden. The actor was said to be "incandescent with rage". Have you noticed how, when actors get angry, they are always described as being "incandescent"? As if anybody involved in the acting profession could emit light. We at Crowdsurfer, on the other hand, have incandescent butts.

Last month he cancelled a performance because he had hurt his knee, now Jude Law has had to cancel even more of his London theatre appearances in Doctor Faustus, this time because he has cut his hand. Clumsy Jude.

Jim Carrey, recovering from his recent split with girlfriend January Jones (no relation to Christmas Jones), is said to be up a tree with Bolshoi ballerina Anastasiya Volochkova (that’s a bad cough you’ve got).

The latest Hollywood names found whoring themselves for bog-standard clothing store the Gap are Cameron Crowe, the Coen Brothers, Roman Coppola, Orlando Bloom, Kate Beckinsale, Christina Ricci, Dennis Hopper, Scarlett Johansson and Ashton Kutcher. Well, they have to make a living somehow.

Juliette Lewis has announced that she wants to "dispel, debunk and demystify" any prejudice towards the Church of Scientology, of which she has been a member since 1996. Other cult, sorry, church members, familiar to regulars of this column, include Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley.

Hugh Grant suffered a bout of road rage in London recently when his car was hit by another. The (no doubt) incandescent "hard man" Grant leapt on to the bonnet of the other car and tried to pull the windscreen wipers off before apologising for his actions.

God only knows who she thinks she is. Madonna has been playing up again while preparing for her London theatre debut. Having already cancelled all matinee performances of the comedy Up For Grabs, insisting on major changes to the script (Americanising her role, moving the setting from Sydney to New York, changing the name of her character, amongst other things), and having the stage raised to distance herself from the audience, Her Madge has now cancelled the first three performances of the show. One has to wonder what exactly she is worried about. We can’t wait for the reviews of the opening night.